But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i dont even know how to be here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
