i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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