ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
