Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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