If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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