When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
