everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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