I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
