he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
BRING THE BAGELS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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