I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
50% drunk capacity currently
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
