you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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