I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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