You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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