Non-Jews are for practice
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
