my mouth tastes like poor choices
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
