ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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