I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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