Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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