You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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