i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
