New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
