nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
