that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
