take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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