am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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