I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
