There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
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had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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