I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
