It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
