and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sarcasm needs its own font
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
