My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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