Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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