living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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