Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
