so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize