News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
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