Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
