Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So many bounce houses so little time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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