i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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