At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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