I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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