dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Text me some of your sweat
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
