I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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