I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
