I wish I could teleport
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
