I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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