i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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