I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
