You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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