my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
