Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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