That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
