I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
