I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
