Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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