I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i think i just lost a toe
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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