Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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