Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
