im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
