Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
