You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
