She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
