oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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