Im at strip club and am horny
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
