Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
