I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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