oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
