Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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