I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just want nice things and good sex
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
