u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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